Traumatised revenge porn victim pleads with people to think carefully before sharing intimate images

“I felt sick to my stomach to know anyone and everyone could see me. I loved and trusted someone and they betrayed me like that. I was made to feel like I’d done something disgusting and everyone would be judging me, instead of judging the person who’d done this to me.”

These are the words of Elizabeth, a young victim of so-called revenge porn.

Despite being left traumatised by her experience, Elizabeth is keen to speak out about what she’s gone through – and continues to go through – in the hope of raising awareness of the law around intimate image abuse and the long-lasting impact the cruel crime can have.

“I’d been in a relationship for about four years with someone who I loved and trusted. During that time we sent intimate pictures to each other, like many people do.

“In that sense we were doing nothing wrong; we were consenting adults and those pictures were intended for each other’s eyes only.”

But when the relationship broke down, her ex-partner made threats to ruin her life and send the pictures on to work colleagues.

“He knew I was only a few months into my job and he knew I was really passionate about it and it meant a lot to me. But he wanted to humiliate me.

“I told my family and work, and reported the threats to the police, but I tried to put it to the back of my mind and move on. I was hoping they were just empty threats.”

But soon after Elizabeth realised they were anything but.

“I had a message off someone saying that they’d come across pictures of me online. I think there were two images on two different sites, but they were very clearly me. I was mortified.

“I reported it to the sites, but soon realised they get taken down only for them to reappear again days later.

“I reported it to the police and my ex was arrested. But even while an investigation was ongoing, it continued.

“It got worse when my best friend asked me if I was on Only Fans or anything like that because her partner had been sent a link which included my name. When I looked there were six photos and two videos of me, with my personal details on there too.

“I wanted the ground to eat me up. But not only was it mortifying, at that point I started being fearful for my safety as it said where I was from, and I had random people trying to add me on social media.

“It really affected me and ended up having three months off work because of the stress of it all. I had to have counselling to help me deal with it all, and that did really make a difference. Luckily my colleagues were really supportive, but it was still an absolute nightmare.”

While Elisabeth continues to report new incidents to the relevant websites and to the police, she says she’s now had to accept that there is no way of retrieving the leaked images or videos, and is urging others to think twice about sharing intimate content. 

“I know it’s not going away. My photos are out there now and they probably always will be. I did nothing wrong, I sent them to someone I loved; they were never intended to be seen by strangers and creeps and put on the internet for all to see. I didn’t deserve to be treated like a piece of meat.

“It’s awful knowing I can be stood next to someone in a shop, someone who I don’t know but who has seen me naked. It makes you feel so vulnerable. And I know there will be people judging me, when really they should be judging the person who thought it was okay to share them. To break my trust in the worst way, and absolutely dehumanise me.

“While trying to get my pictures taken down, I came across other local girls who also probably had no idea they’d be violated like this. So I had to contact them, it was the right thing to do. And after realising how common this is, I feel I have to speak out for us. To give us back a voice.

“This is my way of taking back control, taking back the power from the person who did this to me.”

Disclosing or threatening to disclose private sexual images with intent to cause distress, was made an offence under Section 33 of the Criminal Justice and Courts Act (2015).  

In January this year, amendments were made to the Sexual Offences Act (2003), replacing the previous legislation. The new legislation recognises a wider range of intimate abuse offences, and should make it easier for prosecutors to secure a conviction and victims to secure justice.

“I want anyone out there who thinks sharing personal pictures like this is okay, just a bit of harmless fun, to realise how devastating it can be. And once it’s out there it’s almost impossible to claw back.

“If me speaking out about this can stop one other girl going through what I have, then it will be worth it.”

Help and Support

Information and advice about intimate image abuse - also known as revenge porn - including links to support services which can also help with getting images taken down. 

Related

Information on the law relating to under-18s and 'sexting', sextortion, and links to support agencies can be found here.

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